Fraud!

Well, not really.

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I put forward my name to support other women writers as part of the splendid Womentoring Project – but not without a certain amount of tummy-jiggling anxiety. As soon as I saw the call, I definitely wanted to help. I know how much a few kind and honest words can mean – yet I felt something of an imposter.

This is how my mind rumbled on:

OK, I am a woman. And I do have a smidge of experience. But I am one of The Great Unpublished [barring a few short stories and poems]. So far,  I’m an also-ran, a runner-up, a we-really-like-your-work-but-it’s-not-for-us writer. I bet they want someone better – a real, proper author.

It made me hesitate.

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But then I remembered the whiteboards. You see, I was a primary school teacher way back when interactive whiteboards first came in. I didn’t have much idea – and in the way of these things, it was fitted at the end of of August as the class came in early September. I hadn’t the chance to get one toenail ahead of the children, never mind a step.

It worked out fine. Being pretty much ‘equal’ with the pupils really worked. They helped me, I helped them. There could be no ‘this is the only way to do it’ rigidity – we experimented together. I call that a good result.

Two young share hot drinks over a laptop. One is black, one wears a headscarf.

I wish I was as young as these two!

The same with my brief but oh-so-rewarding stint as a Graduate Editorial Assistant at West Dean College. I had just completed my MA IN Creative Writing – and I got the chance to work with the next ‘batch’, so-to-speak. There are few better ways of interrogating and consolidating your hard-won knowledge than explaining it to someone else. Especially if they are smart and motivated and questioning.

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So I have offered my services. I’ve left it open-ended – I am happy to negotiate with any mentee I get to suit her needs. It turns out that I do have some things to share – I review books for two sites, I volunteer with British SCBWI,  and I am a writer, after all.

Please visit The Womentoring Project to learn more  about being a mentee – or a mentor.

Illustrations copyright Sally Jane Thompson

Of Books and Babies

Extrapolating a cliche till it makes sense to me.

After a fun full-on day at the GEA social organised by the hot-pant wearing eco-heroine that is Emma Greenwood, I took refuge with Tracey Mathias Potter an Arvon friend in Camden. In her calm and choral-music-filled kitchen, we discussed children. We both have had three in a row.

Inevitably, we got round to a shared truism – of books as our new babies. I’m going to develop that theme, courtesy of our discussion.

We all have story conceptions that come to nothing. A quick spurt of an idea but no gametes fuse. Some tales get further. We miscarry, abort – sometimes an almost full text ends in stillbirth. In an echo of the maternal reality, I doubt many are lost and not regretted. Perhaps that’s why some writers resist talking about their work until the first draft is done: like naming a baby in some cultures, it may bring ill luck.

So it’s not surprising that we celebrate our achievement when we put down the least full stop. Balloons and chocolates, flowers and partying are entirely reasonable for what may have been a similar nine months or so of gestation.

the end

Oh no it isn’t…

But just like a flesh-and-blood baby, the hard work comes after her first emergence in the world. Walking, talking, the potty-training of punctuation – we do our best to make them relate to the outside world.  Finding out who they really are. Each one has a different personality – parents and writers both experience that shock of recognition.

Then there’s the School of Editing. Handing over your darling to a professional or a group of critique pals to develop their particular strengths. Now that’s an important relationship we fret about – will they see what’s at her heart? Will she even get in?

Home Ed is possible – but with it comes the difficulty of being objective. Of course, your child is completely lovely, just as she is. Won’t she get hurt out there?

a toddler clambering

And what of the Agent, that marriage broker?

The analogy got in a bit of a muddle there – but the point is, we do our best on our own or with help, to bring our stories to maturity. When they are ready to go out in the world with their readership, we have to step back. We can never forget them, but what others think, how they get along together is not our problem – just like our grown-up children.

a model bride drags her groom  across the cake

After all, we have others to tend to. Well, that’s my theory, anyway. My printed offspring are still in the Nursery.

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What do you think?

What! You too?

From the words of C.S.Lewis

‘Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”‘

This afternoon I had a visit I had been both looking forward to – and dreading. For some while I knew a fellow writer was going to call. Someone who set out about the same time as I did, who is talented and committed, and who wanted to talk about writing.

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By Guaderel Guitarist Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial No Derivative Works 3.0-License.

The gap of time allowed my maungy, sad little twin demons of envy and fear to whisper at me. They blew sleet-cold worries down my neck.

I bet he’ll have been published already.

You’ll have to admit you’ve got nowhere yet.

How will you feel when he gets out a book with his name on?

What exactly have you got to show for over four years’ effort?

It didn’t help that it’s close to my least favourite time of year – Mothering Sunday – when I always feel insecure and vulnerable. Nor that I am waiting to hear if any agents are interested in my Selkie novel. It took some arm twisting from my Chi-SCBWI friends to put it out there again.

My unarmoured head feels so exposed above the ramparts.Close up a battered ancient helmet

He came. And over time and coffee, his honesty dissolved my mask, just as surely as his daughter’s marshmallows disappeared from her little cup in the cafe. I could see the same kind-ness of hard-won understanding in his face. The empathy of time served and mutual frustration.

No need for me to hide. We’re more siblings than rivals.

That broke me open, let the old warmth out and sent the two stony nasties back into their cave. And what rolled the boulder across their threshold was his absolute need to write. The imperative, regardless of sense and logic and all the will-it-make-a-living questions to get the stories down. How the breath of his ideas filled his canvas, blew him onwards.

I hope my friend reads this.

It’s not ‘you will get there‘ I want to engrave on maps of the future, surrounded by mermen and whales. There is no need when you have already left land and certainty.

But we already have successes to share – and there will be more.GoldLaurelWreath_CC

We are both writers.

The Blind Seamstress III

completing my fairytale for creative people

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‘Then let us begin,’ the Rose Lady said and she pulled the dress apart. The sound of each stitch ripping ran inside the Blind Seamstress’s ear like cold poison. Stitches unravelled and fabric rent. It seemed to her that she was servant-of-clay with its fired skin crazed and broken. Pain trod her gut like hunger.

Yet like hunger, it pushed her on. No detail of pleats or fastenings but her need made her swallow and chew the understanding of it.

‘You must be humble,’ said the Rose Lady, ‘and ask others to see the faults for you. There will be many – they will be as grit in your bread and as salt in your coffee.’

Together they unpicked, and made patterns so numerous that rocks had to hold down their flutterings. Toiles and trials, miniatures and mock-ups filled the house of the Blind Seamstress in a soft forest.

At last, the Rose Lady bade her lay her needle down.

‘This, she said, ‘this we will take to market.’

The Blind Seamstress felt the dress lying across her wrists. Not a bead nor a silk thread broke its smooth surface. Like the desert breeze with neither scent of water or palm tree.

‘But it is too plain, too simple. No-one will want so humble a thing. I only made it to please myself.’

Trust me – and most of all, trust your own soul.’

The Blind Seamstress made her way to the market and took her usual quiet corner. Strong fingers clasped her wrist and pulled her away. With a push and a leap, she stood on a high place, the base of an ancient column.

‘I must go and you must stay,’ the Rose Lady said.

‘Have faith.’

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The Blind Seamstress held out her dress and waited. She smelled camels and donkeys passing, heard the tellers of tales and sellers of water call out in the distance – but close by, the breath of many  encircled her. The tinkling of gold coins, rustle of cloth and scent of flower oils told her they were mostly women.

Words of wonder and delight bubbled up to her ears. Fingers tugged gently at the dress and lips sighed wishes that they might have such a dream of loveliness.

Then by-and-by came a merchant. Rings banded his plump hands and satin trimmed his sleeves. Tiny sandalled feet followed him, their sound no heavier than summer rain.

‘I am Hassan of the Ostrich Feathers – and my beloved daughter desires a gown from you.’

She knew he was a rich merchant fallen on hard times when his ship was lost at sea. Of his only daughter, she had heard hushed-up whispers of misfortune and ill-favoured looks.

A merry voice spoke.

‘I am to be married to my heart’s blessing – it would be an honour to wear such raiment. But I fear it will not fit me – can you alter it to suit?’

The Blind Seamstress heard the hope threaded through her words and considered.

The Merchant pulled off his rings and laid them fat and warm and heavy in her hand.

‘I give you the last that I have. Make the joy of old age happy.’

‘I must know what size and shape she is.’

He helped her down and she measured the young woman. It would take hours of work to fit someone so slight. Could she do it? Could she clothe a papyrus reed and make it into a lotus?

‘I will do my best, Hassan of the Ostrich Feathers – for your daughter’s sake.’

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It was weary, fiddling work but she completed the gown and sent it. More work came her way. It seemed every quiet girl and shy woman in the City wanted a dress to fit. Hopeful buyers flocked around her little home. She clothed women tall like egrets, or plump and full-breasted as pigeons, or  dainty as quail.

To her, they were a delight. Each curve she could flatter, each skin she could wrap in voluptuous cloth, each spirit she could grow was a pleasure.

The best were the twisted ones who came by night. They crept to her window and pleaded for help. She called upon the Rose Lady for counsel and thought often fractured her sleep The labour was hard and rarely paid . But then their footsteps walking boldly by daylight made a rhythm of deep contentment for her heart to dance to.

Weeks went past. The Merchant returned.

‘You have made my daughter more lovely than I believed possible,’ he said. ‘There is nothing I could give you to repay that debt. But still – my ship came back unharmed and I would give you a token. Here is a pearl of great price – may you be blessed all the days of your life.’

She took the smooth and rounded treasure in her work-worn hand. She thought for a moment.

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‘Indeed, I am.’

The Blind Seamstress II

More in the story begun last week.

The blind seamstress drifted away along the usual streets with the smell of charcoal behind and hammering of brass ahead to guide her. Her head drooped like a parched lily bloom. Her sandals pattered on palm fronds and sank in silence on carpets left outside coffee houses.

Two other feet did the same. Leather soles touched down behind her with a tread too light to raise the dust. A woman followed her, of that she was certain.

She let the night air bring her clues. This woman wore Attar of Roses and bangles tinkled on her wrists. Coins tapped against each other on her headscarf, and ankle chains jingled with the laughter of riches.

If she tilted her head, the swish of fine silks swept in, no noisier than the river whispered.

And what did it whisper to her? That she should settle for a life of hefting watermelons and slicing them for passers-by. That the scent of tangerines and lemon rind would be the perfume of forgetting. That contentment would be best found in letting some dreams drift away on the stream.

She went on towards the sweet damp of the riverside and her little home.

‘Stay,’ a voice called. A voice of refinement and calm. A voice used to its owner’s worth.

The blind seamstress clasped the friendly ragged trunk of a palm. Something so steady must give her courage.

That a Sighted One should speak to her on the mud banks!

‘Stay – and talk to me of this dress,’ the Rose Lady said.

The light breath of the river ruffled something in the Rose Lady’s arms. Something made of cotton and thread and dreams.

‘Come – sit with me and tell me of the hope still scorching a corner of your heart.’

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And they sat and drank coffee in the reed-hushed night. And when the seamstress had spoken of the desires rooted deep in the warm earth of her heart, and had not been mocked, she dared ask the Rose Lady’s counsel.

‘I cannot weaken the truth – for what good can a medicine do if too much water be added into it? You have much still to learn if you would have your garments bought.’

She put a hem in the hand of the seamstress.

‘Feel how this is too uneven – like the back of a crocodile, it goes up and down.’

‘But I wanted a wave – like the riding of a dhow beside a jetty.’

‘That is not what I see.’

‘What can I do when I am not sighted like others? How can I ever get any better?’

Despair gushed up inside the blind seamstress, as viscous and stinking as asphalt. It dragged wretchedness and every memory of failing with it like grit. The seamstress wept.

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The Rose Lady stopped her tears with sweetmeats and dates.  She made the fingertips of the seamstress feel the faults and knots, bunched cloth and puckered linings. The Rose Lady made her smell the dyes – nose-itching turmeric root for golden yellows, the pea stench of indigo blue, and the gingery tickle of red madder.

‘It is like making pilaff – too many tastes at once and your tongue is confused. So it is with colour. Too little and the gown is dull, too much and only a spangled acrobat could wear it.’

‘Teach me more – tell me what to do.’

The Rose Lady passed over a sugar-dusted cube of lakhoum but said nothing. The seamstress let it dissolve on her tongue but all its sweetness could not wash away the gall of fear.

It came out in a bitter whisper.

‘The others are better than me.’

The Rose Lady’s gold tinkled and did not agree.

‘Ah, but they have not your ways with the needle,’ she said.

‘They do not choose as you do – they have not fondled cotton on the bolt nor traced the patterns of damask with your fingers.  You hold each dream within your palms as the potter does the clay. It turns and has a thousand-and-one sides to it and all bear the imprint of your skin.’

She sipped her coffee. Swamp-hens called in the reeds. The seamstress considered.

Then she took off her headscarf with its scant trim of coins. She laid it across her open palms and knelt with her arms held out.

‘Take these and tell me what I should do, I beg of you.’

The Rose Lady made her fingers close around the thin linen and the single line of discs.

‘I would not hear of it, dear Child of Promise. I can only tell you what is wrong – I cannot right it for you.’

She placed her hand over the mouth of the seamstress before she could cry out.

‘I would not even if I could – I do not seek to deny you.’

A sigh disturbed the bared curls of the seamstress. The Rose Lady took her hand away from her lips.

‘Whatever you make from your own faults and fumblings, that is yours – it belongs to you. And that makes it precious. If I say ‘do this’ and ‘do that’, it will be as plaster for marble,  or painted wood for bronze – all semblance and no truth.’

The voice of the seamstress brightened. The richness of ‘promise’ and ‘precious’ fed her hopes.

‘Please help me make the best dress I can.’

The Rose Lady spoke and there was a chuckle in the depths of her throat. It sat there, smoky and subtle as the charred skin on the aubergine flavours babaganoush.

‘It will not be one dress, sweet child – but many. Your fingers will bleed and your sinews will ache, and Unease will always stalk you – yet will you follow my path?’

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‘Whilst my heart beats I will try.’

The Blind Seamstress

First part of a fairy story for writers.

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A blind girl took a notion to become a seamstress. She had always loved the feel of clothes – in net skirts she could be a dancer, light as a fuchsia flower; in vast satins, become an Empress; or in soft, washed cottons, a dreamer of discoveries.

Oh and the feel of them! To rub the smoothness of ribbon on her top lip. To slip the inside of her wrist past the tickle of feather trims. To tap the patterns of sequins and beads with her fingertips.

Dressmaking she knew was more than these lovelies thrown together. Had her palms not patted the outlines of sleeves and bodices, then clasped at waists and swept down full, swirling skirts? Therefore she would seek out someone to learn from, a Queen of the Needle to train her hands.

Now the blind girl found one such instructress. She learned much from the Bearer of the Golden Thimble, as did the others in her Court. The redingotes and mantuas, farthingales and houppelandes of all places and all times were spread before them as treasures to imitate and learn from. It was a tiring sort of bliss.

The day came when our girl made her first full dress.  The Sighted Ones came and said that it was good.

Yet this was not enough.

‘I want to be as other seamstresses,’ she said.

‘My skin has felt their wondrous gowns upon it; has touched the furred luxury of a patrician’s robes; has worn the velvet of the soothsayer and the mail of a knight.

I have seen how their seams fit, the gores and the box pleats, the hems and the gussets. And I know that their clothes are beloved.

If I make a dress of my own devising, won’t somebody buy it? And then I shall know I have done well.’

an afar girl smiles

She set to work.

She asked advice and many were the answers. This year muslin alone was being bought – no, seersucker was quite the go.  Lace had to be the very thing – nay, but damask could only please.

She made her dress as she felt right; made it such as would fit herself.

Friends told her it was a lovely thing.

‘Then I shall take it to market,’ she said.

Now it so happened, she had learned the ways of the Sighted and could pass for one at first and maybe second glance. It was not a strangeness for her to be there, it seemed to others, though it caused a tumult in her chest. She stood in the Place of New Garments and held out her dress.

‘Who will buy?’ she called.

Feet came. Her heart rose in a fountain, all domes and bubbles and joy.Other fingers made her dress sway, touched its threads and gathers. This was her break in the clouds, when the sun would kiss her cheek.

‘Perhaps another day,’ one said.

‘Let me try – alas, but it does not fit,’ said another.

‘Not quite what I desire,’ said a third.

She heard the pity in their mouths roll like cherry stones, caught the tinkle of earrings as they shook their heads. At length, the evening came and no-one had bought, although many had given counsel.

She went home. She unpicked and sewed all through the night. The lack of candles was no obstacle to her. Hours filled with the tingle of coffee she took to make it all anew.

The next market day came. She stood beside her dress on its wire-busted cage and called for buyers. Feet came and went. She recognised the passing scents of her companions from the Court of the Golden Thimble. They tossed encouraging remarks to her then passed into the Great Bazaar. Calls of acclamation greeted them and the brass gates clanged shut.

Still no-one bought her dress. All through the hot afternoon, above the air layered with sweat and donkeys and oranges, she heard the clamour of the souks. One day she would surely trade there, hear delight in the voice of a buyer, do what her hands had folded in prayer for.

The cool of evening fell on her neck like a rinsed veil. She took down her dress and walked home alone. The wire stand weighed heavy under her arm.

Market Day followed Market Day like camels in a train. Traders to the left of her and to the right of her sold their djellabahs and left. She smiled for their success and waited for her turn.

It did not come.

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Then one night, in the chill of the sleeping city, alone, she leaned against the doors of the Great Bazaar. The brass dragged the warmth of her skin into its engraved geometry. She let the dress slump over her arm, a dead thing of pulled threads and puckered selvedges. A light wind raised its tattered hem then let it fall.

‘I can do no more,’ she said to the whirls of sand dancing around her feet. ‘My notion was a foolish one. I will go back to the village and wash fruit for my living.’

Then she walked towards the heat of the night-watchman’s brazier, where beggars belched cheap palm wine and street dogs scratched. The crackle of burning sticks would give her a place to aim – she had to stop and listen. Her cheeks grew taut.

‘May this warm a poor man’s palms,’ she said, forgetting that she spoke aloud. She balled the cloth and tossed it to the flames.

But the dress never reached the fire. A hand caught it.

to be continued.

 

 

 

 

Pick ‘n’ mix

First of all, apologies for not posting till today. You can blame the Chi-SCBWI lot* for that.

Last night at our meeting, the lovely and talented blogger Vivienne DaCosta of Serendipity Reviews**  fame, brought us all a fruitboxful  of books to delve into. It was an immediately appealing and diverse selection.

Clearly, we’re all bookaholics. I don’t quite see how I could be a writer without having this particular addiction.

  1. I’ve learnt so much more about the way to write for different age-groups.
  2. I’ve developed much more of a ‘nose’ for what works for a given genre.
  3. I’ve encountered techniques and structures I might never have thought of by myself.
  4. I’ve had my mind stretched like  an octopus trying to get out of a bottle by reading far outside my zone of prejudice.

an octopus emerging from a bottle

But it wasn’t just that which made us all scurry to select and snaffle –  to stage a [fairly genteel] raid on  a sweetie shop. Stories are treasure we can amass like a jackdaw does jewels  – but they’re even more precious when they become part of us. It’s the ones that stay on in your mind, that feed your creativity that matter.

Our eagerness, I believe, stems from our search for the stories that will nourish us. In the way that our food literally becomes part of us, I believe the stories we truly engage with nurture our imaginations and build up our spirits.

a bower bird's nest

So it’s well worth having a rummage to seek out stories that will feed us – and our writing. At times it might be something a bit romantic, luxurious and Nigella, other times we might need something more challenging and a bit Heston Blumenthal. Nothing wrong with a bit of traditional too.

And there’s always the happy thought we might just chance upon something new and wondrous. Or better still, pick a mixture.

display of handmade sweets

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Chichester branch of  the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators – wonderful group of supportive people – who meet on certain Thursday nights

**fabulous book review site whose tolerant owner allows me to spout forth from time-to-time 

 

 

The Unwanted Guest

…inspired by one element in Christine Deakers’ piece here in HuffPost books.

A discarded Christmas tree

Credit: julio.garciah/flickr via Creative Commons

She’s the close family you can’t get shot of after Christmas. You get on with things but her sour breath brushes the back of your neck. The squelch of her chewing gum doesn’t cover up the halitosis of her nasty opinions.

So you push past, trying to keep going. The badly worn slippers slob behind you, follow you everywhere. Flap, flap – quiet, banal and inescapable.

She so convinced she’s the righteous judge, that she channels what must the views of all right-thinking people. Hers is a deep reek of certainty that seeps upwards like voice of drainage. Her snide opinions stain. They stick like the soup spills on the housecoat she’s worn three times too long.

a woman sneering

Into your study she sidles.

No-one wants historical fantasy any more, she says.

You ignore her and type on.

What exactly do you know about modern children? I’ll tell you – nothing.

She settles down in a shadowy corner; rearranges the cushions into a damp nest.

Too old and too out-of-touch – that’s what it is.

You shush her and she picks up a book. Just in the corner of your eye, she flicks the pages and looks pained; jaundice-yellow with distaste. There’s all the peace and quiet of armed neutrality for a while. Then come the stage -whispers.

Did she really think modern kids would read this? The language is all wrong.Comes as no surprise she hasn’t been published.

You snap back. What about the good things people have said? The positive comments from respected authors.

a candle shines in the darkness

She looks at you pityingly. The make-up creases in her wrinkles.

They’re only being ‘nice’ – like you do when you read a rubbish novel.

Sure she’s hit home, she gives her collar a primp. You get a whiff of unwashed hair.

You’re not someone whose dreams come true -just look at your track record. Face it – you left it too late.

You shoo her out – she comes back. You might as well try to stuff her fag-smoke into a pillowcase.

cigarette ends in an ashtray

She’s the bluebottle in the bedroom at night. You switch on the light, try to splat the tormentor, but it hides. Or it seems to have flown away, only to come sizzle by your cheek in the dark. You flinch, knowing it’s a thing fed on carrion.

Like the uncle spouting racist claptrap, you can’t actually get rid of her, kill her, shut her up for good.

You have to learn to live with Doubt.

Last post …of 2013

It’s the time of year to review what happened over the previous twelve months. Part of me wants to just put the past behind me and look forward without reflection – but the history-lover in me recoils. How can you know how far you’ve travelled if you don’t know where you’ve been?

Don't look back. You're not going that way.

So here it is – a collection of events and thoughts about this writing year.

  • January – the launch of the Golden Egg Academy in Bath. Such enthusiasm for the world of writing for young people. Inspiring – and smashing to be in at the beginning.
  • February – first Chi-SCBWI event at the Fountain Inn in Chichester. Reminded me what a talented and kind bunch of writing pals I have locally.
  • March – Book Mapping Weekend at the Golden Egg Academy. So wonderful to have someone professional taking me and my work seriously – and some pretty challenging things to think about.

An antique lamp in Chichester

  • April – Major structural revisions to  my Georgian lamp-lit novel. I found the saggy middle the worst – radical surgery left a lot of bagginess.
  • May – Scoobies’ retreat. Inspired by Lucy Christopher to deepen my story. Encouraged by mad and lovely friends to get even more involved in SCBWI (British Isles).
  • June – up to Newcastle for difficult and very worthwhile pitching workshop courtesy of Mslexia.  (I did get to dance with David Almond’s daughter at the Kathryn Tickell gig the night before. though.)Then speed-date-the-agent event in Foyles. Exhilarating, fun and apparently successful: 5 agents and 1 editor interested in my selkie story. No takers though.

Sad-looking seal on a beach.

  • July – a stay in Devon at Deborah Dooley’s Retreats for You. Partly for my writing, partly for industrial espionage as I want writers to come here to Sussex-by-the-sea. Little details and thoughtfulness can make a big difference.
  • August – Arvon, Lumb Bank. Glorious – it felt like coming home, the other writers were great and I gained a great deal of insight from Steve Voake and N. M. Browne doing a brilliant good cop, bad cop routine. Also the Magical Books exhibition at the Bodleian Library – who knew Alan Garner had such distinctive and beautiful handwriting? And Phillip Pullman and Neil Gaiman in conversation at the Oxford Playhouse. Definitely a great deal of wannabe moments there.

black and white photograph of Neil Gaiman

  • September – brief sojourn in Devon again – but this time with Charlie of Urban Writers’ Retreats. Lovely venue – much to enjoy – but also gained the inevitable realisation that cannot escape yourself. Bum on seat, fingers on keyboard and crack on – the only way that works.
  • October Spain – glories of the Alhambra followed by the shooting star of my writers’ retreat dream plunging into a cold ocean. The house we wanted was sold to someone else. Remind me never to share my hopes far and wide. On the other hand, attended thoughtful and stimulating talk with Susan Cooper, Chris Priestley, Geraldine  McCaughrean and Sally Gardner on Halloween. Resulted in my best/most popular blog post yet.
  • November – NaNoWriMo: 55k of a first draft done. I proved to myself I could do 2k or more every day for 21 days non-stop .  I found sometimes I could outrun the inner critic – and I ended up exhausted with a grubby house. Scwbi-con was fun – met brilliant people and somehow found the chutzpah to read short story out in front of the utterly smart  and encouraging Malorie Blackman.
  • December – so disappointed not be long-listed for Undiscovered Voices. Got back in the saddle and sought editorial help from Golden Egg Academy with new funds (thank you Father Christmas for coming early). Full circle, eh?

Christmas decoration with joy written on it.

So there you go – I hope I didn’t bore you too much. It was a useful exercise for me at least. I now know three things;

  1. I will  carry on writing throughout 2014, published, agented or not .
  2. My fellow writers mean so much to me.
  3. I still haven’t given up on the writers’ retreat idea!

Finally, to quote Peter Sinfield:

I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear

 

I hope to see you in 2014.

Landscape – with editor

A painting of a figure walking a long a beach by David Pott.

Study by David Pott

After over six weeks of lying in a metaphorical drawer, I am looking at one of my scripts. The frenzy that was NaNoWriMo certainly meant I wasn’t thinking about it during that period, and I am now able to look at it with some detachment.

I can see the sparse clearings and the lush dells; engage with the inhabitants I had grown to love, and generally see the wood for the trees.

a picture of an old tree in a forest

There will have to be felling of some parts – and some judicious pruning. I may have to sacrifice some sub-plots I had lovingly tended to make the whole thing healthier and stronger – like a fire-break has to be cut through the forest at times. And even the best and sternest of lumberjacks needs help, I expect.

I had hoped that my MA ( can it really be two years ago?) would equip me to edit better. I think I am a slow learner at times – or just plain inexperienced. So I am buying help in. There’s a small, whiny, possibly egotistical voice, says that this is failure.

This book – if it ever gets published – may well end up costing me more than I could ever earn from it. Nonetheless, I have learned a great deal. If nothing else, tremendous respect for those whose work is good enough to be published – and in some cases, downright awe.

a gargoyle sits thoughtfully in some ivy

I do hope I can get the best out of the advice. That I can  sit on my ego – hard. That I can find the humility to accept what is said in the spirit it is meant – and the self-confidence to argue my point when I really have one.

I’ve read my story again – and I can honestly say, some of it is good. Now I need help to make it better.

a little girl takes big steps with the help of  her grandfather